Sometimes I wonder
if he was gay.
And no, that's not a cop-out for
his rejecting me.
It was some of the things he would say,
as if he was drawn to other men
but was uncomfortable with that fact.
It was the way he asked if I thought he ever gave off
"that kind of vibe,"
that he said he found various actors attractive,
when he wondered what I thought about
his one specific male friend.
It was the way he
insisted some men hit on him
and the way he seemed to have to prove his masculinity,
while at the same time show
that gayness didn't bother him.
I wondered why it all mattered,
why it seemed to eat at him the way it did.
But now that I have distance,
the thoughts come back to linger--
and I am again faced with the question
of whether or not
I truly knew him
Sometimes, ya just gotta let the emotions out.